23.11.2012 - Family

Fighting can not be tolerated

November 25 the UN General Assembly proclaimed the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. At the committee hearing on the Application of the Verkhovna Rada and the effectiveness of the implementation of the Law of Ukraine “On Prevention of Domestic Violence” announced that domestic violence affects about 100,000 Ukrainians. It is only those whose applications were registered.


Under current legislation there is still work to do. Elena Bondarenko, chairman of the Subcommittee on International Legal Affairs and Gender Policy Committee of the Verkhovna Rada of Ukraine on Human Rights, National Minorities and International Relations, said: “I can not ignore the lack of a national program to prevent domestic violence, as well as overcoming the effects of which should be as a package of measures at the national level and through state support. Require significant changes in Ukrainian legislation, such as the criminalization of domestic violence. “

A woman is friend of man, not the servant

Among the reasons why a strong half of humanity allows itself to be excessive – alcohol, drug addiction, gambling, followed by facilities, children’s psychological trauma, which are expressed in self-assertion at the expense of the weak, the general cultural level. Affects education – teach a man to a child respect for women. For more sporadic cases include assault, as a response to betrayal, provocative women by their behavior … And beat the offenders are not what have temper. On the Internet forums of phrases like “no man’s business – to humiliate the woman,” there are such: “There are times when you need … then you will be around to run and even more to love. Otherwise, feel slack and sit on his head. “

Women are turning a blind eye for too eloquent facts, mainly because of the belief that everything will work out over time. Directs the weaker sex pity, parenting style exemplary wife (to be obedient, do not exhibit the common conjugal life the court, as the keeper of the home is responsible for “weather in the house”). Classical thought: “And suddenly I’ll always be one, but because the child needs a father?”

You can not clearly distinguish the individual physical or psychological characteristics of those who are at risk: women suffer different age and social status. Maybe the case in family upbringing? It is likely that those girls who since childhood have seen violence in the family, unconsciously used it as an acceptable form of behavior. It is also possible, and the reverse version of the script: daughter, brought up in non-conflict families, faced with such an attitude on the part of partner lost and do not know what to do next.

The one that won the circumstances

“In psychology, there is such a thing as a” wheel of violence “- if you already man allowed himself once a norm of conduct, and the woman did not respond to any properly, it will almost certainly be repeated with even greater ferocity. Psychological (46.7% of respondents) precedes physical violence (43.1%), and we must work hard to convince a woman to apply to law enforcement. The greater the number of women will not be silent about the violence and seek help, the sooner will change the state’s attitude to this problem. But the victims are too scared, “- said Irina Ogorodniychuk, director of communications support for the national” hot lines “.

Natalia Mazur also suffered from domestic violence, but the woman decided to fight to the finish. After wandering in the receiving state agencies, Ms. Mazur has sent a case of termination of parental rights of her former husband to the European Court of Human Rights.

“In terms of violence, I lived nine years – 5 and 4 in a marriage after … The last straw was the case when the ex-husband burst into the room, opened his veins, he wrote a suicide note to his son and tried to kill me. I called the police. Arrived workers, visitors, and said: “If I were your body, we would understand, as well as your body is not, then we do not understand.”

Despite everything, I continued to seek a way out of this situation. So I turned to the “La Strada”. Can you imagine, I am an educated man, until 2010, did not know that there is a law that did not know about the existence of such organizations. And not because I do not want to find, but because society does everything to hide the abuse per se – that’s why you ran out on the street all bloody, and you know only the number 102, where at the other end sit quite indifferent people … To date, NGOs have saved many lives. And would love to see the leadership role of the state. “

Looking for a confident, independent, glamorous woman who does not fit in the head, which has subjected to torture her life. Natalie says that it all started about a few months after the wedding. My husband often stayed in a drinking bout, first pushed and then punched. Moreover, their small child had witnessed fights. Keep the victim near the animal’s sense of fear of a tyrant, a despot because the home had promised to kill her family if she left him and begin to take action. And Natalia believed, because once again, when it took away an ambulance (at the time with a suspected rupture of the spleen), ran her mother, and son raised his hand to the wife’s mother.

And another time the aggressor was in the edge, and so that he broke. The woman was driven into a dead end, did not know what to do next … “Only three people in my community supported me, while others said it was shameful, and the protest is not necessary. This is eloquent testimony to our mentality – I began to doubt, but when you start to doubt, then it gradually eliminates your previous actions. When I called the “La Strada”, then asked them whether I’m doing. Can you imagine how I zatyukali? “- Says Natalia.

Realizing that their own would not escape, the victim turned to the International Human Rights Center “La Strada-Ukraine”. Subsequently, with the support of skilled and professional, mother, defending the interests of the child, filed a lawsuit in court for deprivation of parental rights of her ex-husband. The court dismissed the claims. Natalie has filed an appeal with the help of lawyers, “La Strada” appealed to the European Court of Human Rights.

“Now I have no doubt. I regret only that endured for so long,” – says Ms. Mazur.

There is a way

Victims are afraid to speak openly because of the condemnation of society. It affects the Soviet education: the family must be a model, dirty linen in public can not stand. People pretend not to notice the overt manifestations of violence, because supposedly, why should not interfere in someone else’s family, they later reconciled, and I will be guilty.

They say the first time to blame the one who hit him. The second time – the one hit. Appeasement only strengthens the unlimited power of the dictator’s family. In addition to physical pain, there may be much more dire consequences: serious mental problems (decreased self-esteem, frustration in life, long-term depression, constant anxiety) and the most terrible scenes of family quarrels impose a rather strong impact on the future behavior of the child.

Must be eradicated from the minds of even the thought of the acceptability of violence in the family. Totalitarianism in decent relations between men and women have no place! No wonder Theodore Dreiser wrote “Geniuses,” feels that the environment is man’s relation to itself and meets the same. Self-respect – the strongest personal protection.

So, where do go for help? In Ukraine, there are crisis centers and shelters help, learn about them, and get expert free legal and psychological assistance can call the national “hot line” by the numbers 386 (free for Kyivstar, life, and MTC) and 0800500335 ( free from fixed phones). Also this year the site works “Say” No “to domestic violence» (http://www.ostanovimnasilie.org.ua). Visitors to the resource offer practical advice, helpful articles, online consultations with specialists, as well as the coordinates of the regional centers of social services for families, children and youth.

Of course, a personal decision how to respond to domestic violence. And if, by reading the title, you are not sure how to put the punctuation marks, remember the story of Natalia Mazur. The struggle for the happiness is worth winning. Take the chance, you still can!

Nelia Vaverchak