11.05.2012 - Family

Childfree – free of children

Continuation will not be

«Children are our future» – beautiful, but by years the rubbed out phrase. All got used to it, but nobody reflects above its truth today. Actually it so? It appears that not quite and not for all.

Voluntarily childlessness

childfreeThe opponents of birth of children are named by childfree (from English – free of children). People which did not wish to have own children were always and everywhere. However officially the childless first created an own association in 1992 in America. Lesley Lafaet, teacher, from California created the public network of ChildFree Network (CFN). Exactly this organization is considered «ancestress» of all modern. The accrued association became popular at once, and 5 thousand persons entered to him. Motivation of childfree was become by nonrecognition of society which perceives only families with children. The members of association renounced born and required to abolish all possible privileges for those, who has children. An idea began quickly to spread in Europe and Australia.
Ukraine also keeps abreast of oversea neighbours. True, visible is only a little apex of iceberg of «Chayldfri» on the territory of our country. His real sizes remain a riddle. In Russia, for example, the amount of registered чайлдфри grows daily. Majority from them is concentrated in Internet-prostranstve. In Ukraine only associations begin to appear «free of children». Majority of Ukrainian childfree was found to itself refuge on the Russian internet-resources. Therefore to investigate an amount «free of children» on territory of Ukraine appears quite not an easy work.
I made an attempt conduct questioning in relation to the real relation of the Ukrainian young people by age of 18–24 years to childfree. A picture appeared contradictory enough. 33 % polled chosen a variant «Belong with understanding. Everybody has a purchase option». 40 % named such decision of young people egoism. To childfree finally did not take itself none of polled. All other was divided between indifferent and those, who considers childfree people which do not realize own destiny on this earth.

Purchase option…
Modern youth was nicknamed to the generations of pragmatists. It grew up in a that difficult period, when parents hurried from one work on other and anymore thought about what to feed children, in what to dress. On the simple socializing with a child time was not enough physically, and it fully clearly. Possibly, were children partly disliked and besides passed to them the lion’s share of own uncertainty in the future?
Usually into the rows of childfree women and men enter 20-35 years. But lately average «free of children» looked younger. These people – mainly habitants of big cities with middle or above average by the level of sufficiency. They are formed, sociable, capable of working. Interestingly, that from paternity renounces even that, who grew in having many children family. Women become «free of children», to work anymore (thus they cast aside everything, that would prevent to development of own career). Men vice versa – in an order to work less than (on stereotypes exactly the strong half of humanity must fully provide it family). Happens and such, that young people want children, but are afraid of such responsible act.
Childfree consider that society will remain only in winning from their looks. Absence of children will work out the problems of overpopulation of planet («I don’t give birth to a child, so, someone can take the liberty to give them five»). Without posterity a man can be not distracted and fully devote the time to self-development. In addition, do young people put to itself important questions, how, for example, does someone «Ask my child about that, he wants to live in the world of catastrophes and wars?» and «And suddenly will I give and will educate a decent not man, but serial killer?». That complaining on human frivolity here will not be necessary are arguments clear and carefully thought out.

…or self-declared sentence?
сhildfreeAll of us are homo sapiens. But goes out so, that from the sapiens we stop to be homo. People learned to «disconnect» all superfluous options, abandoning those which can be pleasant and useful only. Blessings of civilization slowly trot person off his the leg in a deadlock in which a place is not children. Two ten of years back nobody was frightened by diapers, now young people and on diapers disagrees.
Reasons for the denial of paternity, in particular well-proven scientifically, it is possible to charge extra a great number: pedophobia, homosexuality, child’s traumas, socio-economic situation in a country. Appears, the supporters of ideology of childfree – it, foremost, people which have phobias. Someone is afraid of darkness, someone spiders, and someone… to be a father or mother. Only to acknowledge and overcome the fears in relation to insects far easier, than in relation to children. But so much like-minded persons which will always advise will support around, will quiet. The internet becomes a rescue, original hiding-place, where all problems disappear at once. you now not exile, but it among it. And you quite not are afraid, and does not simply WANT. Nobody has no authority to reprobate you, in fact you better than somebody from those, who gave, but to educate not able normally. Why ugly stretchings on a stomach, superfluous kilograms after births? What are such victims for the sake of? However where guarantee, that will you to a full degree realize itself on condition of absence of children? That then? Was not life folded? Above it not many reflect.

«Presently for me a child is a cross on the future.» Look of childfree
…It is a beautiful young girl. Active, merry, interesting. From recent pores considers itself one of childfree. We will name it simply M. She consented frankly to tell about own looks.
When did you understand that divide the looks of childfree?
I always knew that will not hurry to create family. Presently for me a child is a cross on the future.
Usually childfree does not love children and get irritated from their presence.
I have nothing against children. And would give then, when was sure that able to give everything to the child, unsupported and family man. I with gladness will keep an eye after a child a few hours. It is love also, but in the distance.
Abroad the associations of childfree require to consider their requirements in relation to creation of cafes in which an entrance is forbidden children, to enter a clock for seeing museums without children. How do you behave to it?
Rights for a child can not be limited. Nowise. I consider it absurd.
Do you consider, that among the young generation becomes more «free of children» from 90th heavy and lack of paternal attention?
Partly – possibly. «I was disliked is I itself долюблю». Time changed, complications became less than, and problem that. Career – here that becomes primary. To time on family does not seize.
Are not afraid you to meet an old woman in loneliness?
I am afraid. But even if you grew a child, can meet one old age.
Your attitude toward abortions and sterilization.
I support legalization of abortions in the whole world. But will never do. And sterilization, in my opinion, it self-mutilation.
We will present that you became pregnant from a favourite man..
I will not be too happy from it… but I will give birth to this child. Abortion will not do.
Do you assume possibility of adoption of child?
It is not. If my husband had a child already, I would come to love him as native. If already would happen so.
Many women do not want to give birth because of fear to lose an attractive exterior. What are afraid of you?
I am not afraid of being fat. I am afraid of our doctors. I am afraid to remain a young mother with a cripple on hands. If will decide to give bitrh of the child, will make attempt do it abroad. I consider that it is necessary to treat our society. It does not support an expectant mother. It needs nobody, it will not be accepted on work, will not give normal medicare. It is a crackpot.
Do you accede to that childfree are people with phobias?
Such people are afraid of the future. It is a problem of people, which once in something did not support, offended, humiliated, broke a dream. Now they by all means aim to incarnate this dream in life, avoiding obstacles.
You all time reminisce career. Is it really impossible to combine it with maternity? We will assume, there is money – pay for services of nurse.
It is not. Combining is impossible. Personally I such examples do not know. A child is a not toy, to give to the stranger man. «Mother-child» is the straight and correct line of intercourse. «Mother-child-nurse» – already something not that.
If will you attain complete financial independence, then will dare give however?
Possibly. But it will be exact after 30 years.

«People see in that they – childfree, reason, and in actual fact it is investigation.» Look of specialist
childfreeThe position of childfree comments Alevtina Shevchenko, psychologist:
– People which elect position of childfree remain in something children. In our time to paternity pull out extraordinarily aggressive pedagogical requirements. Pressure of society is especially perceptible: «Or you are an ideal mother and dad, or problem did not lick a». It is known that among childfree – and those, who have children already. It is people, disappointed in paternity. They operated after a certain plan: school, institute, wedding, family, children. Possibly, a man simply was not morally ready to birth of child.
People see in that they – childfree, reason. Although in actual fact it is investigation. There is the so-called «substitution of concepts». People were able to present failings as advantages. They feel stronger from it, unite, find like-minded persons.
If to position ideology of childfree as ordinary phobia, then it can disappear in course of time, and can threaten a heavy psychological crisis in the future. It is needed to comprehend and acknowledge own fears, but not to escape from them, masking them under something front-rank.
Strange, but someone adores kittens, and to accept own child with a syndrome of Daun and come to love does not can. However much reprobating easily, but, as is generally known, true at each it.

From an author
Life for and for the sake of itself can appear not such happy, as seems on the face of it. Escaping from one fear, we grow in itself a great number other. Possibly, it is needed simply to appeal to the specialist which will help to understand itself. It is not needed to hide own fears. And also never talk «never». Even most inveterate чайлдфри is not insured from that, all the same to give and come to love little continuation itself. Then history of one life will not make off a sad finale, and we will hear «to be continued again.»

Kateryna Ryepina