11.05.2012 - Family

Businesses are mother-in-law

When it is talked about discord in family, then usually remember first of all about a brother-in-law and mother-in-law. How many folk proverbs, saying, are exactly on this theme! And what only costing songs and jokes about life! But it does not cost so to exaggerate communication between a brother-in-law and mother-in-law. A no less conflict are relationships of wife with the mother of her husband, about that it is also possible much to tell both from folklore and from own experience.

So who is mother-in-law? Second mother or wicked termagant that only that and does, that does seek out defects in your character?

Certainly, anecdotes about mother-in-law fail to appear on blank space. Many of us, having an experience domestic life, can confirm: an atmosphere in family depends on each of her members, foremost and from the mother of man. But does not forget that mother-in-law is a not separate subspecies of man. It is a woman that lived long innings, and she have the habits, permanent character, way of life, that, maybe, differs from your, own stereotypes that break a secret difficult.

Parents and children

In those families, where the young married couples live together with parents, the danger of conflicts always anymore. New hostess – it and new habits, excellent methods conducts of housekeeping, that not always like to mother-in-law. Except it, a young hostess yet only studies to run house, is often mistaken and, certainly, very painfully perceives the remark of an experience hostess. In such situation to the man it follows not to grow into a referendary (he as a man and son does not fit for such role), and always to protect a wife, even then, when she not quite is rights. A man must support in a woman her faith in itself, to help her to overcome temporal difficulties.

Folded so already, that usually daughter-in-law complain on wicked and quarrelsome mothers-in-law. In no way set to convince you of reverse. In life it is differently, both the wise and experience mothers of men happen and severe, jealous, impatient, to the nerve. And that from it? Mothers-in-law, as well as all of us, can get tired, to become irritable, to claim attention to itself. Their behavior not always differs in the special flexibility. And such cases it is necessary to try simply forgive, but not require from mother-in-law to adjust to young daughter-in-law, that has the «pride», own whims. Opposite, wise daughter-in-law must be tuned to mother-in-law, become her ally. A way to the heart of mother of man lies through her instinct of maternity. Daughter-in-law must become attentive and obedient daughter (or even to learn to play this role). Every mother-in-law likes to teach and advise, that is why those daughter-in-law, that, not expecting a duty «lesson», come to mother-in-law on recommendation, accomplish correctly, ask to teach them something and give to understand that highly value breeding of the man. Any a mother is proud of that she succeeded to grow the educated children.

To make friends with the mother of man

It is necessary to study to wisdom that is base on condescension. A wife can pass to « re-education» of man only then, when mother-in-law will be fully on her side and already will require from a son, that in everything obeyed a wife. And that it is important, daughter-in-law must not see in the mothers of man the rival: it confined sense defeat yet to beginning of competition. Love to the mother and love to the wife are absolutely different things. And jealousies of two women – mothers and wives are bring nothing other, except bitter sense of confusion and injustice. A poor fellow of persons is between two mill millstones. Й here daughter-in-law must yield in this case. She must realize that with age love of mother to the son can blaze up with renewed strength. Very often it happens and such: mother-in-law oppresses itself an idea, that her «boy» a stranger woman laid hands on and she loses him forever. Daughter-in-law must convince mother-in-law, that not gathers to deprive her son, opposite – a mother got daughter yet and, but soon to their family grandchildren that will continue family will be added yet and.

If already there was new family, then solidarity must become the first and basic condition of her existence. Unity both into the young married couples and in relationships with parents. During the decision of domestic problems it costs to remember about a golden mean and ignore neither interests one nor to lay all obligations on other.

Clever distribution of duties

For parents, especially if they on a pension, there is what chronically failing young, is time. Grandmothers and grand-dads can spare to the grandchildren considerably anymore time, than to the young people mother and father.

But also here it is not necessary to forget a measure about sense. Do not over-estimate force of parents and do not shift all responsibility for education of the children and conduct of housekeeping on their shoulders. In fact it can result in rapid fatigueability, frequent change of mood, quarrelsomeness and as a result – tightness in the air of mutual dissatisfaction, that becomes unendurable both for youth and for senior. That parents first did with gladness, with time grows into an exhausting load. Shut out such errors. It is better to prevent conflicts, than then to glue the broken jugs.

Mother-in-law and housekeeping

As known, two hostesses on a kitchen – it too much. Well, if you and mother-in-law live in different apartments, and only from time to time come to each other in guests. Then, certainly, possibility of conflict is taken to the minimum. Far more difficult, if families force to occupy one dwelling-place. Mostly this apartment belongs to mother-in-law. Here she is a hostess, and daughter-in-law – on rights for a guest (even if she is a legal wife). In this case the instincts that get both to keep a hierarchy and not «yield position without a fight» stopped up by nature wake up for women.

But it is and so, that, coming in your apartment (your with a man separate accommodation), mother-in-law too begins to set the orders. At that rate advise you to everything to belong with a humour. Fill she a bed in its own way? That, let today it will be so. Tomorrow you again will do how got used.

Mother-in-law and personal life

In any case, but from time to time mother-in-law interferes in your with a man relations, if you, certainly, do not live on different mainlands and you are not divided by an ocean. And exactly behavior of your darling in this situation largely will influence on your relationships with mother-in-law. If he tries to pass neither to your nor on a mother side, and stands aloof, accepts the independent self-weighted decisions, – problems from interference of mother-in-law with your personal life are taken to the zero. But frequently it is quite reverse: or a man supports a mother (and then on the right sooner or later ends with a divorce) all the time, or you(and then his relationships deteriorate with a mother). Or he in general is snapped (and it too is not good good over does not bring) to.

In this situation specialists on domestic relations recommend not to put a man before a final choice «or I, or your to have»! Let decides, who in certain moment to support – or you, or mother.

Mother-in-law and education of children

It is not a secret that grandmothers love grandchildren (at least mostly it is just like this). Й of grandchild it is actively used these. If your looks to education of children go away with opinions of mother-in-law (and it is normal), it is not necessary to do a tragedy and convert relations into the field of battle (especially impermissible to bring over children to it). If during your absence a grandmother did (whether said) something not that, calmly ask her anymore so not to accomplish.

Reconcile oneself to with that to influence on a situation you will be able only then, when at home, but not at work. Besides you always have a choice: or abandon the child of grandmother and calmly engage in own businesses, or bring up the child how consider necessary. In any case, a final say remains after you.

Mother-in-law and dream

Yes. Most world Dream Book  has this term and has a few interpretations to that, maybe, it costs to listen.

Mother-in-law (Dream Book of Gustavus Hindman Miller )

To see in sleep mother-in-law is the sign of that after serious divergences in a business sphere or domestic circle will come sincere reconciliation. If a woman argues in sleep with mother-in-law is means that scandalous and callous people will bother to her.

Anyway and whatever relations linked you and mother-in-law, there is no time it does not cost to forget that you are one family, and that this woman, though and not always cute to you, to have your husband.

And if you really value relations and want to have strong family truly, try to understand and accept a man such, as she is. But if however not to find a common language, then try to change a residence. It is always more pleasant to love relatives in the distance.

Comments of specialists

Anna Chelovko, domestic psychologist

Usually a total submission to the rules is required by imperious, fundamental women. They insistingly will implant the norms and in new family. But if your mother-in-law works and, except it, has mass of fascinations, then hardly she will, coming to you in guests, control quality of washable. Problems often arise  up in the case when a son is an only or late child in family, that was a center and sense of all life of mother. Even understanding that her boy already got up to the adults, she wants to feel part of his life.

As well as any other man, mother-in-law, deserves respect. And not so much for the character, hov for the status: nevertheless she is senior from you on age and able to bring up such man with that you decided to throw in the lot. Certainly, you are not under an obligation to love her and call a mother, but to show elementary respect it is nevertheless necessary.

Hennadij Ursulov, psychologist

No son even most independent, there is not absolutely independent of mother. He never will say to her straight that, according to his opinion, can offend her or will allow to her so to present his words, that he gives advantage to the young wife. The it is anymore necessary, that a son that undoubtedly move brigades on a side remaining in private with a mother, explained to her reasons of the behavior.

But clever behavior of man yet not guarantee of decision of all possible problems. Business success depends on daughter-in-law that, unfortunately, very often there is hard on the mother of man.

Iryna Makovets’ka, psychologist

Obstacles that arise up in general life of two families are easier surmounted a, if not daughter-in-law or brother-in-law, but own son or daughter, speak with parents. The children parents will understand quicker, easier will go to them to meet and more persons interested will be forgiven that, whatever never will be forgiven to daughter-in-law or brother-in-law. On the other hand, and parents must understand that they have no authority to interfere in private life of the young married couples, that such interference did not arrange and them, when they were to the young people, and that they wanted to visit one on one with each other, about something to dream, to do something how it wanted only to them.

Ghanna Seleznjova