Ideal men happen rarely: the copy usually won back for rivals needs fundamental «upgrade». How to perfect a darling without superfluous tension?
In your nets was tangled to itself «wild and ill-mannered», but very nice fellow / man / uncle. He is nice so that you are ready to forgive any failings to him. «Not terrible – will educate again!» – you think… and accomplish the first error. To change a man in a root it is in strength to nobody, even to it, to his mother and friends. But women are creatures sly. Therefore we with you have all chances to do chosen one ideal.
Do you have a plan?
For a young, maladjusted to the protracted relations man the basic failings are such: terrible gastronomic habits, an unwillingness is «cultural enriched», lack of ability it is fashionable to get (read: in accordance with tastes of the girl) dressed, fear of metrosexualism, that enhanceable attention to the care of itself.
Before to consider each of points separately, it is needed to mark here that. In the pedagogical «experiments» never pass a limit reasonable (a man, certainly, is added дрессуре, but he is a man, but not dog or monkey) and not touch sacred that: friends, beer, machines, football, fishing and any other hobbies. Everybody, and your darling, also, has a right on the personal space, where will not him mix. Would please you, if he criticized your favourite serial or forbade to eat a chocolate? Just about! We do not advise also to affect such themes, as relationships with a mother and religious looks – it already simply boorishly.
Now about each of the points mentioned above more detailed.
Meal of the «real fellow» – all fat, fried, sharp and unhealthy. Your home «gourmet» requires a potato, meat and beer every evening. And for you beach season on a nose, and favourite jeans do not fit – already a long ago it is time on a diet. There are one apples and parallell with it to prepare for a man every tastiness simply unreal, and to starve from solidarity your darling does not agree. What to do?
Foremost, it is not needed to put question by a rib. If once you from a threshold will declare «Today passed to the carrot pap!», you risk farther than that threshold not to get – you will be simply kept out. Convincing a man is needed gradually and not hurrying, that he nothing and did not notice. Class, if you are able well to prepare. Then it is possible to give out a new diet for «culinary experiments on a theme a vegetarian kitchen». A normal man will never renounce there is that, that mask the «New recipe after words! Ouch, I tried so! Do you like?».
Next of principle moment – not to talk that to the man and a diet will not prevent (they say, a stomach hangs down). Will resist, as a ram, and for spite it will be there are chips for the night. On a background the offended proudness a complex «Does not teach me to live» develops often, and with him to fight considerably heavier. Better «honestly» confess: «I without you on a diet will not remain!». Our «eagles» are the best of all conducted on requests about a help. Use this!
For egoists and simply own person lovers a method befits «I care of your health, by a road». Your basic task – to convince a man, that a new diet will bring a benefit to him, remarkably will affect original appearance, to force and is a trump map from a sleeve! – on potency. On the last especially not sharpen attention, that a darling did not have doubts in relation to his masculine force. But passing mention exactly about this investigation of diet works wonder sometimes.
On the first appointment you went to the theatre. Then – on exhibitions and in the cinema. He told to you, that is read out Montesquieu and Pelevin. But a candy-floral period made off, week-days began. Your husband reads only a sporting page in a newspaper and sometimes signature under the pictures of girls. Exhibitions he despises frankly, names classic music boring, and loves films only about «wheelbarrows» and фэнтези. In short, to decent society, showing him is forbidden.
To correct a situation, it is possible to apply a few methods of different complication – depending on your ability to manipulate.
First, simplest – for novices. «Rivalry is named – our all». It is necessary from time to time to talk: «And Vova weekly leads Yulia to the cinema. And on holidays – in a theater!». Experience shows: your darling will stand borings cultural measures, but Vova’s nose will be wiped: will lead you both in the cinema and in a theater, yet and on exhibitions. That all knew, what he is a hero. If such variant will work, then not forget to praise and underline that such man «advanced in a civilized manner» is not present at none of your friends. Thus will detain attention of darling as possible longer, and there, see, to him and will please, will drop into, yet you will torture the love to wonderful.
The second method is more difficult, but also more effective. Named «Will Take starvation». All sense is in that, to put a man in hopeless position. On a shelf to lay clever books, on a television set every evening to look the proper programs. On a weekend it is simple to put before a fact: «I purchased tickets in the cinema. For 40 hryvnyas, therefore must not disappear». After such statement, true, scandal can blaze up on a theme «you do not listen to my opinion», but that already theme of other article. Therefore if you are sure that will win over the man in any dispute – boldly use this method.
There is yet a variant for the started cases (to the representatives of which men-programmers, industrial designers, leading shots of large organizations, belong). It is here needed straight and frankly to say a man, that he needs though a bit to forget about the трудоголизме and touch to wonderful. This method is dangerous possible offenses and psychological traumas of your pupil. Blow to proudness for a man worse, than any other from known to humanity. Apply this method only at the special necessity and often not repeat – save men, them and so remained little.
The looks of men to the fashion differ depending on age, status, education. But a womanish cunning can overcome any attitude toward clothes – from complete indifference to surplus attention. A bit efforts – and your husband will look how it is needed (to you).
If «tatters» take away too much attention of your chosen one, then smile – a rare copy met you. Save and sometimes show him to the friends for large money.
More widespread case is complete indifference to that to carry and as. Happens not very much often, but also treatment responds to hardness. Such attitude toward clothes is descendant very deep world view features, a psychologist would say. But will say simpler: well such man already, how are you getting on? To understand fashionable brands and pick up a belt under a pocket-book you him will teach never (because he nothing of it carries), however a decent kind such man can have. For this purpose you will have constantly to control his purchases and manage morning collection on work. Independently to buy to him things does not advise – offended. It is better to grant beautiful clothes – simply so, not with reason. A benefit is first – have the normally dressed companion. A benefit is second – do a pleasant surprise to the darling. A benefit is third – there is a hope on a gift in reply.
The last type is most widespread is the middle degree of lack of ability to get dressed. Treats oneself that control after purchases, underlaying on the shelf of stylish masculine magazines, by unobtrusive lectures on a theme the «Light socks do not put on with dark shoes». The method of gifts also befits fully.
Metro- or homo-?
Manicure, unusual hair-do, dyed hairs, пирсинг for a man – all of it the «real fellows» are set off to the signs of homosexuality. Not to mention about the care of skin, спа-процедурах or – Goodness упаси– voice-frequency cream. And in actual fact it all signs of метросексуализма are a desire of representative of stronger sex to look after itself not worse what women. Such to itself fight for the rights of men in the field of beauty.
In actual fact far not all метросексуалы are homosexuals. Many men increased forces to look after itself status. Only imagine a diplomat with the jagged nails or millionaire with fat hairs. And yet there are actors, singers, anchorwomen…
Sometimes circumstances force an ordinary to itself man to speak to services of cosmetologists or even visagists – before important negotiations, teleethers, public appearances. Really do they stop to be the «real fellows» only because will take advantage of voice-frequency cream? And if does he mask bruises, got during a recent fight for the lady of heart them?
It all very hardness to explain to sweet one, because masculine logic is very rectilineal: you care of exterior – so, you are a homosexual. It is impossible to persuade such stubborn person, that and manicured itself or though made a nun somehow more original!
One output is elucidative work (it is possible to use afore-mentioned facts), making successful and authoritative (!) examples of geterosexualists-metrosexualists. Will not go out otherwise. Men have proof moral looks, after all.
We hope, our advices will help you to find common language with the second half. However, while re-educating a man, too be not carried away, in fact risk to destroy those lines for which, actually, you him and came to love.
Psychologist, teacher of department to psychology and pedagogics of Academy of municipal management, m Kiev
From point of psychology, for a heartfelt equilibrium and internal harmony a man is very important in different situations to remain by itself. And it is a not aphorism, though just like this seems on the face of it. Being in tune with by itself, a man is maximally tolerantly perceived by circumferential. He becomes mature psychologically, able to respect individuality of other people, and, consequently, has large chances on good relations.
Therefore, in my opinion, having no prospects to hope for the result of перевоспитания: you will simply deprive the partner of internal harmony, and he will have problems with intercourse. It is far more perspective on the stage of early relations to analyse and decide on your own, whether you will be able to accept chosen one such, what he is.
De autre part, main soil of perspective relations is likeness of the valued priorities and world view points of contiguity of two people. Therefore good relations are certainly accompanied by mutual changes and mutual concessions for the sake of maintainance of these relations.
Comment of specialist
Wife with almost 20-years-old experience of re-education of man
On my persuasion, changing the already present lines of chosen one is not needed. In the total he will get a psychological trauma unless, and there is herein no benefit neither for you nor for him. Other business – if you want to instil some new qualities. All can be succeeded at that rate. It is needed only to remember: you want concessions for the sake of itself – able and to yield. To change a man which is with you alongside, evolve. So you will witness, that перевоспитания of darling for you is a not end in itself, but only step on a way to strong relations.